Reconsider

Two days ago I ran into a neighbor and she asked if I was still applying to medical school. I told her that I decided not to apply. Many people think that I suddenly decided not to apply. This decision was made after many months of internal battle with myself. The factor that helped me make my decision was being honest with myself. I ran into that same neighbor again yesterday. She looked at me with a sad face and said “ I want you to reconsider.” I didn’t feel like explaining myself and all the hard work it took for me to be content with my decision. That comment is still weighing heavy on me today. It made me feel as though I didn’t thoroughly think about my situation. Now, I am beginning to question a decision that I was content with a few days ago. The moral of the story is to trust your gut. Someone will always have an opinion on what your life should look like. Don’t second guess a decision that feels best for you.

As Always

Thank you for reading,

~Janay

Slow

The food for thought for this blog post is from @storiesxus on instagram. Check them out!

“An ode to the black girl,

That is not glorified by her strength

But is appreciated because of her ability to just be

Where the basic is the extraordinary,

Where she needs not be special to be welcomed”

Things in my life have slowed down a bit. For the most part of my life, I have been sitting in libraries studying for exams and completing assignments. I will be completing my Master’s degree in a few weeks and after that I don’t have any plans. I am figuring out what I want my life to look like in the future. During this time, I have taken solace in just being.

Being content with myself.

There’s this freeing feeling about just being. No pressure or expectations. Opens me up to creatively express myself.

Throwback thoughts from high school:

I attended an all girls’ Catholic high school in a high-middle to upper class neighborhood. There were about 10 minorities in my graduating class. My thoughts of having to constantly having to prove myself began in high school. I felt as though I had to show my white peers that I was smart and deserved to be there. Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed my high school experience, but just now realized where those thoughts stemmed from.

Through several obstacles and situation in my life, I’ve learned to be content with just being me. I let go of the burden of trying prove myself to others. Because I am enough just being me.

Film Baby

I saw a quote that said “ If your life was exactly the same in 10 years, you would be sad, right? So, why are you so afraid of change?”

I journaled about this quote and what I came up with was that I want to know everything. I love facts and things that are certain. I realized that I am afraid of change because change causes uncertainty. As a person who loves planning and facts, uncertainty makes me feel uncomfortable. But having gone through periods of uncertainty before I know that there is always something wonderful on the other side. I also came up with a little equation for myself: Change +Uncertainty+ Discomfort= Growth

I would be sad if my life was the exact same in 10 years.

So when faced with uncertainty, I try to remember the end product and the opportunities that can come from change.

Enjoy some photographs from my snow day adventure!

As always

Thank you for reading,

~Janay